The Big Lie of Being Great

Growing up, I was deeply invested in sports. Playing every chance I got, I was driven by an obsession to be the best in my class. With an older brother who was larger than life and just as consumed by sports, it was inevitable that I’d come to embrace the concept of greatness. I spent countless hours practicing, idolizing the top athletes, the crème de la crème, and striving to reach that level myself. Spoiler alert: I’m a 5'7" white Orthodox Jew — didn’t make it too far, lol.

The Social Media-Driven Idea of Greatness

Greatness is a concept we’re inundated with, especially in today’s social media-driven world. We’re constantly told that greatness is within reach if we just stretch out and grab it. The whole influencer and Instagram culture bombard us with messages like, “I was just doing a 9–5 and struggling to make ends meet when I clicked on this ad, and now I’m a multi-billionaire living my best life and helping the world #clickthisadnow.” The books I read about my heroes glorified their brilliance and strength, fueling this infatuation with greatness. But this obsession can easily derail us, especially as men, from living our best lives, having the biggest impact, and actually being our optimal selves.

The Misguided Pursuit of Greatness

I remember one time flying back to New York from LA, hyped about getting back to the boys. But what I was most excited about was taking a red-eye and going straight to work #likeaboss. The reality? There was no reason I needed to be at work that day. I was jeopardizing my health, heading in for what would be my last hurrah before moving back home to start school — a journey that would eventually include dating, pausing school, marriage, and more (a story for another time). But here’s the thing: the message we’re fed about greatness often lacks context.

The Cinematic Illusion of Success

Alright, picture this: It’s late at night, and we’re zooming in on a guy sitting in an office on the 30th floor of a skyscraper. The lights are dim, except for a few scattered around, and the cleaning crew is quietly going about their business. Our guy is there, grinding it out, sacrificing everything for that elusive greatness. The camera pans out, showing the empty city below. Dramatic music swells, and just as the tension peaks…

“And cut! Great job, everyone!”

Redefining What Greatness Means

But this isn’t about chasing some cinematic ideal of greatness or the rise-and-grind hustle mentality. It’s about figuring out what it truly means to be great in your own life. Greatness doesn’t need to be about fame, wealth, or accolades. For us as men, it’s about being driven — driven to be the best version of ourselves in whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.

The Everyday Reality of Greatness

True greatness comes from how we respond to the challenges and opportunities in our lives. It’s about showing up, consistently putting in the effort, and being present for the people who matter most — our friends, family, spouses, business partners, and ourselves. If you’re all in, ready to make sacrifices, take pay cuts, skip vacation days, and you’ve truly thought it through, ensuring those who could be affected are ready to support you, then go ahead and be great at that.

Greatness is not about the big, flashy moments. It’s not about being remembered for some grand achievement that leaves others in awe. True greatness is quieter and more intimate. It’s found in the everyday decisions you make, in how you treat the people around you, and in the way you handle the ups and downs of life. It’s about being there when it counts, not just for yourself, but for those who rely on you.

The Cost of Obsession

Vincent van Gogh once famously said, “I put my heart and soul into my work, and I have lost my mind in the process.” While there’s some truth to the idea of deep focus and commitment if you want to be great, it’s crucial to ask yourself: 1) Is this obsession only affecting you, or is it impacting others? 2) What is the payoff, and is it worth the cost? 3) Is there a better way to pursue your goals without sacrificing everything else? 4) What is your true purpose behind this drive?

The Danger of Unchecked Drive

Being driven is a necessity as a man, but when that drive is fueled by the wrong reasons or unrealistic expectations, it can become a modern-day epidemic. When we don’t channel this drive correctly, when it doesn’t mature, it can destroy rather than breathe life into our journey. Greatness can be a loud and brash sign of “look at me,” but true greatness is a deep and meaningful driven approach. It’s about being who we are and living from that space. We often feel guilty or stressed if we aren’t working and hustling. We take on projects, careers, and life paths that seem to promise greatness on paper, without asking ourselves what greatness really means to us — not the greatness we’ve seen on social media or magazine covers, but our authentic greatness, free from external influences.

Finding Your Own Definition of Greatness

It’s time to stop dedicating our lives to an idea of greatness that isn’t truly ours, especially when we’re not prepared for the consequences. When our personal lives, health, sleep, and our loved ones are compromised by the endless commitments we’ve made to ourselves and others, we can feel lost and joyless. We wonder how we got here, expecting greatness to be easier because it seems that way for others. But what do we really know about their lives beyond social media?

True Greatness as Men

We, as men, don’t need to be great in the way the world often tells us to be. We need to be driven — driven by purpose, by love, and by a desire to be the best version of ourselves in our own unique circumstances. True greatness is not about reaching some unattainable standard; it’s about responding to life’s challenges with integrity, resilience, and compassion.

It’s about how we make those around us feel and how we feel about ourselves at the end of the day. So, if you’ve considered the impact and everyone is on board, then go ahead — be great at that. But don’t chase the elusive idea of greatness. When the dust settles, what truly matters is how we’re remembered by those we care about and how we feel about our journey. That’s where your true greatness lies.

#KeepBecoming