The Serenity Prayer: A Slogan We All Need

It’s not often that you come across a quote or message that can guide you in every facet of life. Even rarer is one that brings together three distinct calls to action, seamlessly working together. The Serenity Prayer is one such gem. While its wisdom isn't exclusive to men, I definitely believe we can gain immense value from it specifically as men. Let’s dive in.

The Rise of Addiction

These days, addiction whether to substances or behaviors is rampant. I’d argue that in modern times, we’re all grappling with some form of addiction, even if it doesn’t fit the DSM’s diagnostic criteria. Amid this epidemic, we’ve seen the rise of deep and meaningful methods for recovery and self-interaction. One of the most well-known frameworks is the 12-step program, often associated with AA groups. There’s plenty of debate around it, but it’s undeniably influential. I won’t delve into the 12 steps here that’s a topic for another blog. Instead, let’s focus on one key aspect of these groups: the work.

Embracing the Serenity Prayer

Though it wasn’t originally designed for the recovery world, the Serenity Prayer was adopted by the founder of the 12 steps because of its profound relevance. It encapsulates three essential areas to focus on. I truly believe that if we, as men, embrace this prayer and understand its depth, we can significantly improve our relationships, find peace and joy, and lead more fulfilling lives. Let’s break it down.

The Prayer Itself

The prayer goes:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.”

Guys, isn’t this freaking epic? Haha, I’m serious though, it's hyped! This isn’t just deep it’s a game-changer. Let’s break it down and go through how life-changing this could be, but more importantly, how this can enhance and lead you towards success, health, and much more across all areas of life.

Acknowledging Something Bigger

It starts by acknowledging that something bigger is at play (a God of your understanding, also known as a Higher Power), which is incredibly powerful. It’s a reminder that there’s something beyond our ego. This simple yet profound stance can help us unlock our potential. Why? Because it allows us to let go of controlling outcomes and focus on the process. It suggests there’s a bigger story unfolding beyond what our limited minds can grasp. As men, and I can personally say (even as a social worker), I fall into the trap at times of being obsessed with solutions and outcomes. "Here’s a problem, let’s fix it." But what happens when what’s needed is to focus on the process, or what about something you actually can’t control? Well, we stumble and waste so much energy trying to figure it out, trying to control it. Yet, when we remember there’s something beyond us, when we remember how truly big the universe is and how much is always going on, we can find solace. When we know there’s a God beyond our comprehension (or a higher power that’s bigger than the self), we can find so much peace, which leads into the next part.

Understanding Serenity

Now, let’s talk about serenity. See, it didn’t say tranquility or a life free of chaos. Serenity is about finding peace and responding with energy and composure despite life’s ups and downs. It’s not about creating a disturbance-free environment (though we should manage our surroundings as best we can) but about how we interact with life. It’s about accepting what we can’t change and not letting it drag us down. Life’s a rollercoaster of chaos and order, and while perfect peace might be a tall order, serenity is something we can live with. Serenity brings together our humanity and spirit to understand that, whatever is happening in life whether financial struggles, relationships, physical and emotional health challenges we can still live with serenity. Let’s simplify it. There are things you can’t change, so what should you do when faced with this dilemma that will move you forward, not backward or stuck and paralyzed? Acceptance and serenity, baby. But we don’t stop there, folks; nope, this just sets the stage for the next part.

Taking Action with Courage

Once we have serenity and acceptance, now we can move ahead to things we can change. But knowing what to change and actually doing something about it those are two very different beasts. I can read all day about healthy lifestyles, forgiveness, the importance of opening up to someone, how to build a successful company, being the initiator in a relationship, or the power of vulnerability. But it’s a whole different beast to actually take those steps. Look, I spend many of my waking hours learning and helping others process their emotions and thoughts, getting them towards their goals, etc. But let me tell you, I struggle in these realms as well. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, “Dude, you know the info, what’s going on? Take that deep breath,” or, “You know that behind every behavior is a need, so don’t fall into the trap of reacting to the behavior focus on the need.” I bet there are spaces in your life, too, where the action is lacking, not the knowledge.

And friends, that’s why this line is brilliant: the courage to change the things I can. It takes courage to own the areas of your life where you’re responsible your actions, your habits, your mindset, and any area you are in control of. My actions, my habits those are in my domain. The question is, do I have the courage and fortitude to move forward with them? It takes courage to start your own side hustle. It takes courage to finally say, “I’m going to take my health seriously,” after years of being passive about it, especially when there are naysayers who will have something to say. It also takes courage to admit the need for help. Reaching out and opening up is uncomfortable, but it’s freakin’ courageous. It takes courage to have that conversation with your wife about… (fill in the blank). It takes courage to apologize and admit when you’re wrong. It takes courage to avoid falling into old thinking patterns and instead, think greater than you feel. You get the point. Just because you can change something and you know you can, doesn’t mean you will that’s why we ask for courage. Or as it says on the home page: "Taking your growth seriously isn’t a fad it’s a commitment." Which leads us into the last stanza.

The Wisdom to Know the Difference

The wisdom to know the difference. This, my guys, is where life really comes into play. Once we know that there are things we must surrender to and accept (not give up, which is very different; you can check my blog about that), and there are many things we can change that demand courage, we’re left with this: sometimes we don’t know what we can and can’t change. I’ll be upfront I used to think this was simple. Like, why wouldn’t you know? But then I grew up, had more responsibilities, got married, had a kid, graduated, moved states, and all of this was happening pretty quickly. I started realizing it was pretty hard to discern what was in my ability to change and what was just part of the journey I was on. It took me a while, with many ups and downs, and a lot of feeling bad for myself, to finally understand it takes wisdom to know what you need to let go of and give over to a higher power, and what you need to wake up and refocus on. So much pain and confusion come from focusing on the things you can’t control and not having the wisdom to see the spaces where your energy is needed.

Conclusion

And that’s why you need to keep the Serenity Prayer front and center whether it’s in your mind, heart, or even staring at you on your lock screen. I’ve got it on mine, and every time someone asks me, “Are you doing recovery groups or something?” my response is simple: this wisdom isn’t just for addiction it’s for anyone looking to take charge of their life. It cuts through the noise and gets to the core of what every man faces control, courage, and the wisdom to know the difference. These are universal battles, and this is the mindset that’ll help you win them.

#KeepBecoming