A Tape Gun and the Masculine Struggle
So my wife and I were moving from California to Denver, doing all the classic moving things: ten trips to Home Depot for boxes and bubble wrap (or is that just me?). At one point, I’m trying to seal a box, and the tape gun, which is usually a game changer, loses tension. The tape flops around, useless and messy. I couldn’t get a tight seal. And for some reason, it drove me crazy. But in that small, frustrating moment, something clicked.
The Resistance We All Feel
As men, we carry a lot: career pressure, relationship struggles, financial worries, healing old wounds, figuring out who we are and where we’re going. Sometimes it feels like we’re fighting battles on all fronts. And resistance shows up everywhere. It slows us down, makes us doubt ourselves, and forces us to confront the uncomfortable.
But not all resistance is the same. That busted tape gun reminded me of something I had to learn the hard way: sometimes resistance means push harder, and sometimes it means let go.
When Resistance Says “Push Through”
With that box, I wanted to seal it right. Without the tension, the tape couldn’t stick. And it hit me: tension, pressure, resistance they’re not the enemy. They’re the catalyst for growth. Without them, nothing holds together.
This is the gym on the day you don’t want to go. The tough conversation you’ve been avoiding. The hard choices you’ve been putting off. The dream you keep excusing to follow. This kind of resistance demands you step up, show up, and become more of the man you’re meant to be. Push through it, and you come out stronger on the other side.
When Resistance Says “Let Go”
But there’s another kind of resistance. The kind that shows up when your ego takes over. When you’re angry, jealous, frustrated, or convinced life’s not fair. This isn’t the resistance you fight. This is the resistance you surrender to.
Here’s what happens: your ego grabs the spotlight and starts running the show. It throws out lines like:
“This shouldn’t be happening!”
“I don’t deserve this!”
“Why is everyone else doing better than me?”
And trust me, it’s not winning any awards.
This is the kind of resistance that’s like forcing that broken tape gun. The harder you push, the bigger the mess. It’s not here to be conquered. It’s here to remind you to step back, release control, and let go of what isn’t yours to carry.
(Shoutout to Gedale Fenster for helping me finally understand this.)
When your ego is driving, you’re not problem-solving. You’re protecting yourself. You’re wasting energy trying to control what you can’t control. That’s not strength. That’s burnout disguised as hustle.
My Own Struggle: Learning to Surrender
I’ve battled this myself especially with money. I’ve struggled financially for most of my life, and let’s be real, going into social work wasn’t exactly a path to early retirement on a beach in Maui. For years, I fought that reality. I worked hard, told myself I deserved better, and burned myself out trying to force outcomes that weren’t coming.
But all that pushing drained me mentally, emotionally, and physically. The breakthrough came when I stopped fighting the facts and stopped letting victimhood run my life. I shifted my energy from resentment to action, from forcing to building. And everything started to change.
Know the Difference
So how do you know when to push and when to let go? You listen.
If your resistance sounds like:
“I don’t feel like doing this.”
“This is hard.”
“I’m uncomfortable.”
That’s your growth edge. Push. Lean in. Do the work.
But if your resistance sounds like:
“This isn’t fair.”
“Why me?”
“This shouldn’t be happening.”
That’s your ego talking. Surrender. Step back. Let go.
There’s a Chassidic idea: “Light that comes from darkness is the deepest light.” Jordan Peterson puts it another way: “When something horrible is chasing you, chase it back.” Both kinds of resistance pushing and surrendering are where your character gets forged.
Final Thought: Build and Surrender
As a men’s coach and as a man in the arena myself, I’ve learned this: we’re constantly bouncing between these two battles. The key is knowing which one you’re fighting.
So today, ask yourself:
Where do I need to step up and push through?
Where do I need to let go and stop burning fuel?
Because the truth is, resistance isn’t going anywhere. But when you know how to face it when to fight and when to surrender you stop wasting energy and start building strength.
This is the work. This is the growth. This is where you character is forged. And this is how, box by box, you become more of the man you’re meant to be.
